 Ed Garren, on the Atlantic shore, or is it the Pacific? |
Like many of us who have lived our own versions of "Brokeback Mountain,” we have had challenges, struggles, and fears, triumphs and loss. And we are still here to savor our lives in our 50s.
We had a wonderful visit, part of which included and evening with other members of my family.
My friend and I were explaining what it is to be "different,” in a situation that offers no justice, only humiliation and degradation. With regard to his career, he said it best, "There is a glass ceiling that is so low, you can never get off your knees."
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One of my family members, who is a cancer survivor, took the conversation to another level. She talked about being clinically dead, and being out of her body, floating over herself in the room, and feeling unconditional love, the kind that comes from what we call God. She is generally a very analytical woman, who keeps her "cool" even when things around her are not.
She went on to describe an interesting moment, while floating above herself. She said a twin spirit,wthat I would call the "dark side" of herself, floated with her, conversing about her condition, to go, to stay, to return to her body. And then a curious thing happened. The spirit of fear, kissed her goodbye and told her, "I'm going away, you don't need me anymore", and left for the light above. Moments later, she fell back into herself. Now, she tries to hold on to that moment, which for her confirmed the true nature of life, and her place in it.
I think this was her attempt to make us feel better, to balance out our talk of frustration and pain. It was what I call an "either/or" moment, her inherent belief that things are "either - or" situations must be good or bad, up or down.
 The famous Bridal Veil Falls, under which Ed stands. |
What I think she missed was that we weren't asking her to "fix it" (our lives) or make them "good", but rather hear the story of that which we have made peace with. Like much of life, it is the so-called "bad" which usually leads to really good things coming into our lives.
This took us into a conversation about fear, how we get it, and how we learn to make peace with, and relinquish its grip over us. It's not about wishing the world would not attack (because even though we don't want the attack, it's coming anyway), but rather to embrace the attack, and our own ability to counter-attack successfully.
The room contained two Gay men, a cancer survivor, and a combat veteran, all sharing our experiences with being hurt by life, the fear of it happening again, "Dodging the bullet,” and the various aspects of it that have tried to rule our lives, define our being, and how we have coped with it along the way.
I think part of this is an "over 50 thing, this triumphant place that screams, ‘I have prevailed!’" At this place in life, one has seen another generation grow up, and sees a third one coming of age. We realize that there are patterns in life that are deeply ingrained, that have nothing to do with how hard we strive, but rather our ability to make peace with things, instead of killing ourselves trying to change them.
It's the difference between conventional math versus Algebra. One is about the sum of, the product of the numbers. It's Problem Solving.
 By Ryan Gierach. |
The other is much more like Algebra. It's finding balance in an equation. There are no right or wrong answers, just balance and peace.
It is the essence of "The Serenity Prayer";
“God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Most folks only know the first part of the prayer, the rest of it goes like this:
“Living one day at a time
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace
Taking, as you did
This sinful world as it is
Not as I would have it
Trusting that You will make all things right
If I surrender to Your will
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy
With You forever in the next.”
I hope this helps you chart your own mysteries.
Ed, from North Carolina, near the Bridal Veil Falls.
Ed Garren can be reached, even in the Red America’s wilds, at